lets start off with one alarmingly clear way to describe my feelings for thanksgiving.

fuck it.

seriously. i am sure that somebody somewhere in this country is having the most picture perfect thanksgiving ever. cold weather, all the guys playing football in the morning, the girls in the vicinity of the kitchen, everybody is smiling and laughing and having a good time while sitting down to a 12 foot table with enough food on it to feed the polish army. this vision is all well and good, and probably quite an enjoyable affair, assuming everything goes correctly. however, when your family is anything like mine.. the shit storm of the holiday starts before you even drag your ass out of bed.

in my family, everybody has their own little vision for what the holidays should feel like, or look like, or just how things should flow. the problem rears its ugly head when one persons vision isnt quite in sync with anybody elses vision. take for example my mother, she expected that i got up at roughly the same time she did so that she could greet me coffee mug in hand with a very warm, if not slightly choreographed (only because its what she does every time ive seen her in the morning of any holiday) 'good morning nick, happy thanksgiving!' instead it was 'nick, get out of bed! its 8:30 and we are leaving at 11 for your uncles!' i ask her what the rush is in getting up so early and she tells me its because we need to pack up the truck. for fucks sake, 2 and a half hours to get the shit for thanksgiving into the back of the truck? ive moved friends from one house to another in 3!

it makes me wonder sometimes if im weird or if everybody has this same dilemma. ive talked to a few friends and they all seem to dislike the holidays on one level or another, which makes me think that if there are this many people with disdain for the holidays that the holidays would change. i am reminded of my grandmother though, who has been told the same thing for the last umpteen years about the holidays 'dont go overboard with it.' and every year she does. you see, her vision of the holidays involves lots of 3 things.. money, food and family. the food an family are most prevalent on thanksgiving when i have seen her break down into tears because she couldnt bake another batch of cookies or another pie.. or get another small portion of stuffing with different spices in it made.. or try out a new recipe she found in some 70 year old cook book. my grandmothers perfect christmas would be stacks of wrapped gifts so high that they are in danger of the nearest ceiling fan, so much food that you cant fit all of it and the people eating it at the same table and more family than i think ever existed over the years to be in attendance. like i said though, she cant have all that and i have seen it bring her to tears.

my dad and i are the most similar when it comes to our visions for what these celebrations should be like, in ten words or less for brevity's sake 'whatever happens, happens.. would you like a cigar?' this is awesome though because its the type of personality i can get along with so easily. a very sort of whatever goes kind of attitude. its not so awesome though because when everybody elses world is crashing down because they arent having the most perfect holiday ever my dad tries to save the day, and ends up dragging me into it all too. i end up getting used as the emotional punching bag and people either yell at me to do something, or ask me to get out of the way or just stare at me and shrug with the most expectant shoulders ever.

my vision for a holiday, just to cap it off. would be family, friends, whoever i deem as being good company enjoying each others presence with some good food, some good alcohol and having a damn good time. im not getting my way this year and so instead of perpetuating it onto my family, here i sit.. venting my frustrations.

all that said, i hope all of you out there are having, have had or will be having a very enjoyable holiday season.